Living in a strange land

Sometimes I feel I do not belong, which is justified because I do not belong. Believe me, I don't. I don't have fair skin, nor the lithe body. I don't smile easily, at least not when I am confronted with a guy who seems to not understand you even with a gun to his head. I am not akin to breakout of foolish laughter, sheepish grins. In fact sometimes I find smiling so tedious, I feel like hiding my face rather than being obliged to smile.

I don't talk rapturously, do not eat like I have the whole day to spend with that particular food, wield a fork and spoon with the kind etiquette that is religiously demanded. I tell you all this to persuade you that I do not belong. I come from a nation which demands the sort of practice from its young which makes it easier for them to win any rat-race, and be equipped in dealing with any sort of test-system. My most productive years were spent understanding how gears and mechanical drives work. I take more warmth from a nice book and a cup of hot coffee, rather than in a chilled drink and a 'smart' phone. I do not see the need to get up every morning and make it a requirement to style my hair. I do not need to apply cosmetics to even feel confident enough to face up to the world. I do not conform to the norms set in front of me of a girl of 'that' particular age. I do not have a partner, and two more lined up in case the 'one' does not work out. I don't spend money on expansive telecom packages. I save diligently, spend even more diligently.

The pressure to conform is startlingly too much. You are expected to lower your standards, if the 'normal' is lower than your exacting ones. Not that I have a problem against people who have lower standards than me, but at the same time I cannot take it if they have a problem with people who have higher standards than them. Yes, I am talking in 'me' and 'them' language. Divisive, I know. The sort of thing which will get you ostracised before you can pronounce 'ostracised'. But, the thing is, I really do not care. I am not here to make friends, neither am I here to conform to your standards. They say, for all the talk of wolves living in packs, the individual wolf is, essentially, a loner. And you will never find a hawk in a school (I use this word, for lack of a better word).